Day of Judgment
by Mercury32
Summary: Judas-Jesus slash. Told from Jesus' P.O.V. as he listens to the angels question Judas after his death. Companion piece to Cloudy Magic's 'Betrayed With A Kiss'


_**Title:** Day of Judgment _

_**Disclaimer:** Don't own em. Not even sure they exist. _

_**Dedication:** To who else, but dear Clo. It's all her fault. And Christine. Cause they understand. The three of us shall have a merry time in Hell, oh yes we will. _

_**Spoilers:** The Gospels. _

_**Notes:** First of all, using a spoiler warning in bible-fic of any kind just amuses the Hell out of me. (Kinda like the 'Five Cougars thanks!' ad on tv). Secondly, I don't care if you think this is blasphemous. Go ahead flame me. It will only encourage me to write more. And the stupider the flame, the more and more graphic this will get._

Day of Judgment  
  
I take my place, hidden carefully but with a full view of the room. For an extra precaution, I'm back in the far corner, hiding in the shadows. I wouldn't have thought that Heaven would have shadows, but then I would never have believed that I would ever be standing here, waiting for Judas to stand judgment. I knew that this would happen, yet now that it is happening it is almost more than I can bear.  
  
Every angel in Heaven is assembled, for some reason, none of them wish to miss this glorious event. Dare I confess that I dread as I've dreaded nothing before? Not even dying. If I have learnt nothing from the recent past, it is that physical pain can be overcome and if not, then you black out and feel nothing anyway. However a wound to the heart only heals with time. The wounds that have been opened will take a long time to heal... I know that being present today, I am doing nothing to help heal them, yet as always when it comes to Judas, I could not stay away - even if my life depended upon it.  
  
Michael and Gabriel stand on each side of me probably by the instruction of My Father. They are some comfort, for there is not a time when they have not been familiar to me. Gabriel is to preside over the hearing and Michael shall be seated in the jury. Neither of them requested to be involved in this, yet I would not wish it any other way. No matter what is said, I am certain that they will not hear anything that will shock or surprise them and they are respected enough by the other angels to be able to quash any signs of trouble.  
  
"It is time." Michael says quietly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I nod at him gratefully, I know he will do whatever he can for a fair hearing. Michael once informed me that there was nothing left, on Heaven or Earth that would surprise him and when I look into his eyes, I can see that it is all too true. Gabriel does not say a word, just bows his head to me. They take their places, sitting just as the huge doors wing open. A slight ripple of raw emotion runs through the legions of angels present and I know that Judas has made his entrance. I do not look at him, instead choosing to watch the ground as Gabriel lays the charges at his feet.  
  
I listen as Judas declines to speak in self defense, wondering if he has any idea what he's letting himself in for. The angels are not used to being denied anything and so the less he says, the more they want to know. Even Michael, who already suspects the truth cannot wait to hear it being spoken. They will make him tell and he will tell them a tale that none of them want to believe, yet they will all know to be true. They'll be captivated and repelled. They'll hang on his every word against their will. They'll never want the story to stop, but they'll be hoping each word is the last. There are not many men with story telling abilities like his. They will hate him all the more for it.  
  
I look up, shocked as he states that he does deserve forgiveness. All he has to do is ask and it shall be his. I watch him closely and although he hides it well, I can see that he is fighting against tears. It nearly undoes me and it is almost more than I can bear. Every part of me wants to stop this, to hold him close and wipe away the tears. Oh Judas... do you not understand that it will only take three words and all this will be over?  
  
'For what I did there can be no chance of salvation.'"  
  
The words are as clear to me as though he was standing by my side. They hurt, but I can understand the reasoning behind them. He has done wrong and is prepared to be punished for it. I have no power or influence in this matter, but I cannot stay out of it. I will fight on his behalf, for if I do not, than who shall?  
  
He starts to tell of our first meeting and I am pleasantly surprised to hear of his first impressions of me. It wasn't something we spoke of, yet we spoke of so many things. We even spoke of a future, as though we actually had one together. We thought ourselves so worldly, so wise. We were as naive as children, if not more so. I close my eyes and listen to him speak. One of the things I love about Judas is his story telling and as his voice washes over me, I am reminded of so many other occasions when he would tell us a story and I would sit without listening, focusing more on the tone of his voice and the expression on his face as he spoke.  
  
For the first time, I really listen to the story Judas is telling. I listen to all of it, the words and the tone of his voice. I don't look at him though. If I look at him, than it will be my undoing. Nothing has changed - in Heaven, as on Earth, he is my major weakness. Sometimes I had trouble sleeping through the night without him laying nearby, I cannot conceive what it will be like spending eternity without him.  
  
All too soon it is over and I am watching as Judas is lead from the room. I wait until he is out of sight before making my way to the room where the jury shall decide the fate of my beloved. My Father will not be impressed, but I am prepared to face His wrath for this. There is not much I would not face for even the slightest chance of Judas' salvation.  
  
The angels file in one by one, taking seats at the table. Michael stands at the head of the table. "Angels of the jury, you have heard the testimony put forth by Judas Iscariot regarding his role in the Crucifixion of Our Lord Jesus Christ. What say you?"  
  
"He cannot be telling the truth." One of them states passionately. "It is an attempt to gain sympathy."  
  
"We have established this already Raphael." Michael sounds impatient. "He could not lie, not in our court room. As distasteful as it may seem to some of you, we must accept that in this matter, we heard nothing but the truth."  
  
They murmur among themselves for a while, none noticing that I am present. Finally Raphael speaks again. "Is it possible he may have been mistaken as to Our Lord's intention behind that first kiss?"  
  
"It is possible, but not likely."  
  
He speaks again. "Could it be that his own feelings influenced his interpretation of the affection shown to him? That he has convinced himself that the feelings are returned by Our Lord?"  
  
I had not planned to interfere, however this could take eons if I do not. I step forwards, standing next to Michael. "Why do you doubt his words? His account was accurate on all Points. What was said may be distasteful to you and you may not wish to believe it, but it is the truth."  
  
Raphael looks at me, his eyes filled with wonder. "Are you speaking in defense of the man who betrayed you?"  
  
I shake my head. "No. I speak in defense of the man who loved me and whom I loved in return."  
  
"Why did you not speak at the trial?" Michael asks, looking at me closely.  
  
I shrug carelessly, not answering the question itself. Why did I not speak at the trial? I could barely keep my thoughts clear, let alone be able to present a convincing defense. Actually I am uncertain if I can defend him now, but I must try at least.  
  
Suddenly Gabriel materializes out of nowhere. "Your Father wishes to speak to you."  
  
"Does he not realize I am busy? Can it not wait?"  
  
"It cannot." Gabriel's face is sympathetic and I realize that Michael's face bears the same expression. Immediately I understand what is happening. I take a deep breath and nod. "I shall go see Him now." I turn back to the jury. "Remember what I have said."  
  
Raphael still looks shocked. It will be a very long time before any of the angels stop talking about these events. I do not care; my only concern is that I do my best to save Judas from the pits of Hell. I look for My Father, but cannot find him anywhere. I had hoped He would take human form so we can at least discuss this rationally, but it appears that it is not to be.  
  
"You cannot save him my Son, no matter how much you may wish to do so." The deep voice echoes off the walls. I look around, but he has not manifested. "You cannot intervene."  
  
"Would it make any difference?" I sound bitter and petulant, even to my own ears. "How long has his path been set for? Was there even any point to the trial?"  
  
"It has not been set for as long as you think. Right up until the last moment, when you told him to do what he will, the path was not set. You may have planted the idea in his mind and nurtured it, but it was not until that moment that Judas decided that he would do it."  
  
"I know this Father. That is why I cannot let him be condemned. He would never have done it had I not put the idea into his head. Why should he suffer for doing something that I instructed him to do? Why should I not suffer as well? He has shown nothing but love, loyalty and devotion. Surely those are qualities that should be should be rewarded, not punished!"  
  
"My Son, I understand how you feel. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done."  
  
I am shaking with emotion now. How could He possibly understand? I should have known better than to appeal to my Father. What would He know about human emotions anyways? That safe and secure feeling when someone you love has you wrapped in their arms? How a tender smile can warm your heart for days? He has never been human. He could never understand human emotions.  
  
"Do not think that." He speaks again and I have to fight the urge to kick the wall. I direct an angry glare at the air around me. "Don't do that!"  
  
"I know what it is to love Son. I have loved with all that I am. Not the love between brothers or the love one has for a neighbor. I talk of the love you have for that one person who holds your heart in their hands, the person who can make you laugh or cry with a simple look. I know that safe and secure feeling when someone you love has you wrapped in their arms. I know a tender smile can warm your heart for days. And I know, in a way you can never imagine, just how it feels to be betrayed by the one you love more than anything else."  
  
His voice takes on a stern tone. "Do not doubt that I understand your suffering and be grateful that you do not have to deal with Judas yourself, for there is nothing worse than having condemn the one you love."  
  
"Then why can I not speak in his defense? Why will you not let me take this chance to try and gain him salvation?" I have never begged for anything in my life and I am not ashamed that I start now. I will do anything it takes to save Judas. Anything. There is a footstep behind me and I spin round. Whatever is about to be said must be important for he has taken human form. He walks towards, stopping just in front of my and placing a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"My son, did you not hear his words? Do you not understand? Judas does not wish to be saved!"  
  
The words hit me like a physical blow. I actually gasp for air - an act that is completely unnecessary here. Before I can speak, my Father continues talking.  
  
"He understands what he has done and he is prepared to face the consequences of his actions. Judas does not believe himself deserving of your forgiveness and unworthy of your love. He loves you so very much and it would hurt more, to know that you forgive him for what he has done than any punishment we can inflict. It would be more of a cruelty than kindness for you to intervene. "  
  
"So.... I can do nothing to save him?"  
  
"He does not want you to. He is prepared to accept his punishment and if you love him as much as you claim to, then you will accept it as well. Even if that were not the case.... Judas died by his own hand. It would be inconceivable to let a suicide through the Gates of Heaven." My Father's voice is gentle. "I am so sorry my Son."  
  
I close my eyes for a moment as a thousand memories of Judas flash in front of me. Our first kiss. The first time I told him 'I love you.' The way he would smile at me when nobody else was looking. His fingers tangled with mine. The warmth of our bodies pressing close together. The first time we made love. The last time we were together. The look in his eyes as he kissed me that last time, betraying me to the guards.  
  
The look on his face in that moment is one I shall never forget. Anger, guilt, love, hate, pain. It was that look that hurt me so much, not his actions. How could I have ever asked him to do perform such an act? What kind of person betrays their lover? And what kind of man asks his lover to perform such a betrayal? I am such a man and the guilt weighs in upon me almost unbearably.  
  
It is now that I begin to understand the reasoning behind his words. If I were in Judas' position, I would not want forgiveness either. If he would prefer to be condemned, to suffer a terrible punishment for all eternity than I will not deny him that. I shall leave him what little dignity I have not stripped from him and allow him to accept the courts ruling.  
  
"Everyone is waiting my Son."  
  
I open my eyes and am astonished when a tear slips out. Throughout everything, throughout all I have seen and experienced, I have never let a single tear escape my eye. And now... now if I were to let myself, the flood caused would rival what happened in the time of Noah. My chest hurts and there is a weight in my stomach. My voice is little more than a whisper as I speak the words "Let the judgment be handed down."  
  
I know that Judas will accept whatever punishment is given to him. I can only hope that one day, when those on Earth, in Heaven or in Hell are called together for the Final Judgment to be dealt out, the truth about Judas will be revealed and he is not judged so harshly and that it is I, who suffers for my actions. 


End file.
